Just found this on AP's breaking news!!
(AP) New York, NY - The controversial New York Democratic Senator Hillary Clinton has been arrested for the attempted murder of former United States President William Jefferson Clinton. Through a sudden and thorough investigation, police have learned that Sen. Clinton has been sabotaging President Clinton's health in a variety of ways for the purpose of causing a natural cause type death.
As Senator Clinton was being led to Central Booking in New York City, she was overheard saying, "You Goddamned right I tried to kill the bastard. John Kerry's campaign is in such trouble that that prick Bill was the only one could save his ass and if he campaigned for Kerry, Kerry would win and that would ruin my chances for a presidential run in 2008."
The plot to create this seemingly natural death was first noticed by doctors treating President Clinton. An analysis of the coronary blockages revealed several different fats. Pork, beef, possum, raccoon, horse, WD40 and fat from a woman known to frequent the Lower East Side were found in the congealed blockages in President Clinton's vessels.
A search warrant of the Clinton's home found mis-labled ground beef in the deep freezer. Most of the beef was actually found to be ten percent lean beef and ninety percent lard, while bearing a ninety percent lean beef sticker.
When asked, President Clinton stated he was never suspicious of the beef substitution, especially because Hillary always told him it was a turkey meat additive.
Senator Clinton's fingerprints were found on the newly attached labels. When confronted with this Senator Clinton stated, "Of course you found my fingerprints on our beef. It was in our goddamned freezer you idiot."
When asked for comment, Karl Rove stated, "Well, what did you expect her reply to be? She tried such an alibi before. Don't forget. Her fingerprints were also found on her own missing billing records years ago, just before she murdered Vince Foster with that Iraqi/Osama/Saddam RPG."
In another shocking development, an anonymous source stated when Senator Clinton was being frisked for contraband for processing at Riker's Island, the female booking officer discovered Senator Clinton had both a penis and set of balls. Reportedly the booking officer stated, "And this wasn't just any normal set of balls. They were HUGE."
Senator Clinton faces up to twenty-five years to life if convicted.
Monica Lewinsky had no comment.
When called for a comment, President Bush was unavailable. Karen Hughes was overheard saying, "Shit, he's in the bag again. Keep him off the damn phone. Where the hell is Dick when you need him!"
