Little Johnny has a cussing problem. So his dad goes to a psychiatrist for help. The psych says "Well, Christmas is coming up in a couple of weeks. So ask Johnny what he wants, and if he cusses, leave a pile of dog crap in place of the gift."

Dad likes this idea, so he sits down with Johnny. He asks Johnny what he wants, and Johnny says..."First, when I wake up, I wanna see a fucking teddy bear sitting next to my bed. Then, when I go downstairs, I wanna see a fucking train track running around the fucking Christmas tree. And then, when I go outside, I wanna see a fucking bicycle leaning against the garage door."

Dad is pissed, but decides to take the psych's advice. So Christmas Eve, he places dog crap in all the designated spots.

Johnny wakes up Christmas morning, swings his legs over the side of the bed, and steps right into a big pile. He runs downstairs and sees more crap under the Christmas tree, and runs outside, only to find more crap by the garage.

Dad is standing there looking smug, and asks Johnny what he got for Christmas. Johnny looks over and says..."Well, I think I got a fucking dog, but I can't find the son of a bitch!"