That's a terrible series of events, Al. They need to know whatever they are feeling people make their own choices and control their own lives. It's easy to blame ourselves for what happens to those around us but we are not gods or puppetmasters. We can help and hurt people and we don't always know how much our actions or deeds may play a role for somebody else but even if they do we can't live another persons life for them. Love, lust, and sex are wildly potent intoxicants and under their influence people will do things they may otherwise pull back from. People will seek out blame as an answer but it is not an answer. Blame is just another stone we volunteer to carry or chain we willingly attach to ourselves. The pain is real but the blame is an illusion we create for ourselves.

We have a natural inclination to punish ourselves and a situation like the one you describe provides the perfect opportunity. People find monks that flog themselves until they bleed strange and somewhat mad but physical pain like that is fleeting. Emotional and mental anguish runs far deeper and we take no issue in beating ourselves with that.

Sorry, Al. Hang in there.