Hi Everybody,
Reading David's post about insecurity has propmted me to tell this story.
I was married last Saturday, a week ago today in fact, and on that occasion my beautiful bride asked me to play my guitar and sing a song or two that I had written. They were songs I was inspired to write by her and the relationship we have. Songs about love in your life, I've always felt, are supremely difficult to write because there is always the very real possibility you'll come across like some love struck chimpanzee with a severe proclivity toward expressing yourself in dopey cliche. Love in all it's wonderous capacity can reduce us to speaking in silly voices to our loved ones, making up hideously cute petnames (which you can only pray you never hear spoken in public), and just generally acting like an ass. Not that all that is so bad, it's just that generally the rest of the world does not want to share in your lovey dovey buffoonery. That's the great thing about not being a famous musician or songwriter, I don't actually have to expose the things I write to the general public. I have great respect for songwriters and musicians who make a living from their talents because I'd love to be able to say that was my full time job. It's an intimidating thing to get up in front of a crowd and play a piece of music you created and to play a love song...well, how would you like to get up there on a stage in front of a group of your peers and give a speech in that "siwwee wittle voice you woose" to speak to your baby when you want to be cute? It would feel a bit like getting caught with your pants down now wouldn't it?
I knew I was going to have to sing and play at the wedding and I have played in bands in the past at clubs so I've done this kind of thing before. It had been a while though since I had played in front of a group this large (it was only about 45 people). Here's what I didn't know though, one of my wife's (still getting use to saying wife) college girlfriends had brought as her date a very talented jazz musician from New York. I discovered this because he had wandered over to the grand piano and started playing with such amazing grace and skill there was no doubt he was incredibly talented. Someone said to him "My god, I hope you do this for a living!" to which he replied "Well in fact, I do." We talked a bit about jazz and I soon discovered he also actually knows Brad Mehldau. Now I'm thinking great, not only do I have to play these songs but now I have to play them in front of this guy. Well, I began my little set with a joke, thanked him for warming up the crowd for me (as he played for everyone while I tuned my guitar in another room), and ended by getting everyone to sing along with the latest song I wrote (which is called "So Fine" and was written only days before, just for the wedding). That talentless bum thing was in the back of my head the whole time...no one threw tomatos though...