Got this from this website:
Here are my favorites:
Five ill-advised giveaway nights at the ballpark
Chinese Throwing Star Night
Loaded .22 (with scope) Night
Guess Your Cholesterol and Get a Free Footlong Night
Leaky Bag of Urine Night
Nickel Absinthe Night
Five controversial performers coming to your local library
Professor Candypants (mime & contortionist)
MC Preclear 'n' the "Get Audizzited" Crew (evangelical rap crew)
Principal Badtouch (tapdancer & close magician)
Roofie McSleepytime (clown hypnotist)
Whitevan Andy & the Roadtrip Kidz (unspecified travel initiative)
Five ways I tend to feel after speaking with Sprint's Customer Service
Like I was just traded to another inmate for 2 packs of menthol cigarettes Like I've been slapped repeatedly with a half-frozen sturgeon
Like I've accidentally just agreed to finish the homework of every kid in my middle school
Like somewhere in a big Sprint building, there's a fat man with a monocle and a top hat smoking a cigar while dancing a jig and holding a fat bag of five-dollar bills with my bewildered face on it
Very, very unclean
Five things I only needed to try once
All-day reggae festival (1988)
Chewing on a fistful of D batteries (1970)
Being in a Neil Simon play (1984)
Talking to Pete Rose (1976)
Lead singer in a execrably bad metal cover band (1985)
Five great reasons to buy a Hummer(tm)
You've been wanting to buy much wider groceries (but have been stymied by the timid width of your Escalade)
You and your make-believe wife were thinking of having 11 or 12 imaginary kids
You're sick of always being the environment's goddamned bitch
You could totally put a keg back there and just drive around and shit
They were all out of penises
