A REALISTIC DAY FOR THIS MAN

6:00 Alarm. Praise the Lord the battery backup works since the power company yanked your juice. 
6:15 Dream about Blowjob.  (more juice yanking).
6:30 Massive dump while almost hitting another (police?) car with your uninspected, uninsured, unregistered, rust-ridden death trap on the way to work.
7:00 Remember you forgot you can't afford to buy snow/real tires for your 'new' car.
7:30 You arrive at work 30 minutes late.
7:45 Realise how much you owe in tickets/pending lawsuits.
8:15 Private jet to private meeting room with your influential boss regarding your tardiness.
9:30 Lunch. Air.       
9:45 Talk someone from the company you work for into turning in the overpriced soda machine empties for an overpriced bag of chips from the same poorly stocked vending machine company.
11:30 Try and remember what real food tastes like.
11:45 Find out (again) what you expected isn't what anyone else expected in regards to anything at all to begin with.
12:15 Cope.
12:30 Stress.
2:15 Deal.
2:20 Wonder why you aren't a blackjack dealer.
2:30 Private jet to Joblessness.
3:15 Late afternoon undertaking with the Unemployment Office (Dept. of Employment & Training).
4:15 No job.
4:30 Catch world record shit from soon-to-be ex-wife.
5:00 Pack-up belongings.
5:00:01 Finished packing.
7:30 Realise you've been used for money.
9:00 Drink two 40's and wonder if this whole women-wanting-a-sensitive-guy thing is a ruse to rip you off of every earthly posession.

10:00 Pretend to have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs and realise you're too old to have sex with teenagers, you sick fuck... 
11:00 Barf. Rinse with mouthwash. Wish mouthwash was memory solvent...
11:45 Go to bed.
11:46 One last blowjob that gets someone pregnant.
11:59 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
12:00 Laugh yourself to sleep - hey, some things are eternal.