BAT BOY STEALS CAR -- AND GOES ON THREE STATE JOY RIDE!
MISSING HALF-BAT, HALF-HUMAN STRIKES AGAIN!
DETROIT -- Bat Boy, the world's favorite winged freak, went on an incredible, death-defying joyride through Michigan, Indiana and Ohio after carjacking a brand new Mini Cooper -- and is still on the lam somewhere in America!
The brazen theft took place in the crowded parking lot of a Mini dealership. Eyewitnesses report that the Mini Cooper's owner had just accepted the keys to the vehicle when Bat Boy jumped out from behind some bushes, snatched the keys and sped away.
"The whole thing happened in a matter of seconds," says the car's horrified owner, who asked not to be identified. "The dealer had just handed me the keys when this monstrous creature appeared out of nowhere and tore off like a bat out of hell."
Police suspect that Bat Boy had been casing the dealership for hours, waiting for just the right moment to strike. Two employees gave chase, but Bat Boy quickly lost them in traffic.
Police say they are looking for a red Mini Cooper, last seen around Akron. A police spokesman says, "That little speed demon was heading East on Interstate 80. We urge all motorists to be on the lookout for this car, and to notify authorities if they see a Mini Cooper driven by a bat-like creature."
There were numerous sightings of Bat Boy following the theft, but police have been unable to locate him and he remains at large as of this writing.
"We know where Bat Boy has been during his little adventure -- we just don't know where he is now," notes FBI Special Agent Jack Trasker.
"We've been tracking his movements via reports of gas station drive-offs -- apparently Bat Boy is stealing gas when the tank runs low and drives away before police can respond."
Bat Boy learned how to drive while working with the U.S. military combating terrorism in Afghanistan.
Secret military files leaked to Weekly World News report that he stole at least two Jeeps and a tank during his stint there.
Since returning to the United States, Bat Boy's behavior has become increasingly erratic.
Three months ago he escaped from government custody and became a fugitive.
Police reports collected from stunned onlookers put Bat Boy in at least three different states. Sitings include:
- The Detroit Zoo, where he was believed to be looking for a quick snack.
- Drive-through of an Indiana donut shop. Several police officers taking a break in the shop gave chase, but Bat Boy managed to lose them in traffic.
- Interstate chase in Ohio. With cops in hot pursuit, Bat Boy whizzed down the Interstate at speeds in excess of 100 miles an hour.
Authorities are desperate to recapture Bat Boy, and have asked the nation's driving public to immediately report anything unusual. FBI and police scoured the tri-state area via car and helicopter, but they're no closer to capturing Bat Boy than they were three months ago.
"Hell, he could be a thousand miles from here by now," notes Agent Trasker, who has been on Bat Boy's tail since he escaped government custody.
"For someone so weird, he manages to hide himself pretty easily. With winter just around the corner, he'll probably head south.
"We already have task forces assembled in Georgia, North Carolina and Florida so when he shows up, we'll be ready."
In the meantime, the owner of the stolen Mini Cooper says he probably won't press charges should Bat Boy finally be captured.
"I hope Bat Boy learns his lesson and turns himself in," the man says. "I just want my Mini Cooper back."
