Guys, go easy on poor ol' Pat. His party is shape shifting right before his eyes. Suddenly they are for gays and against Christians. Pat has already backed off the abortion deal because he must have got the letter from Big Gay Ken Mehlman that they are moving in a new less Christian direction in light of this whole Foley thing.
The Log Cabin Republicans are the new leaders of the party. Washington DC is awash in Queer Eye for the Republican Guy and even Cheney has gone all metrosexual.
I'm sure Pat will soon get onboard but give him a chance to adapt and read his new handbook from Big Gay Ken.
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Bush goes metrosexual, slated for 'Queer Eye' makeover?
Few stranger things have happened than the Bushling, Bush-WAH, DUH-Be-Ya, Our Misleader – whatever your preference of nomenclature – agreeing to do a guest makeover appearance on the cable, or is that cabal, TV blockbuster, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" – but, as they say, politics makes strange bedfellas, and it's a canny move for an ideologically challenged prez to energize heretofore lackluster poll numbers.
The Queer Eye premise, according to AdAge.Com: "One straight man agrees to have his lifestyle, hair, clothing and accessories made over by five gay men dubbed the Fab Five. All are experts in different areas – grooming, food and wine, fashion, culture and interior design."
Despite vociferous denials by the current presidential press-bot expressing outraged disbelief while publicly deflecting persistent reports the leader of the free and not-so-free world would stoop to this quintessentially cynical act of media-ho-dom, the "Fab Five" stylemeisters' plans have recently leaked out to the mainstream press.
Bush agreed to do the "Queer Eye" gig if he could bring wife Laura along, unofficially blaming her for buying all his clothes since, well, their second date. He promised absolutely no change in his stance against homosexual marriage.
Fear's afoot they'll turn Bush into, shudder, a metrosexual, defined by Paul McFedries' dynamite Word Spy website as "A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle." Supposedly, the concept was coined back in 1994 by Mark Simpson vis-a-vis: "... Men sporting fashionable clothes and accessories."
Meanwhile, a barrage of dissenting communiques and dire imprecations from clergy, warning of catastrophic consequences if Bush submits to the "Queer Eye" transformation, has tied up White House computers and telephones. "Dangerously evil move, consorting with those light-in-the-loafers sinners, beware," one response went. "It's enough to turn all the District of Columbia fountains blue!"
Where's Billy Graham when they need him? More to the point, What would Jesus do?
I suspect – although no biblical scholar has yet stepped forward to substantiate my surmises – that Jesus would not shave his beard, wear a Madras kaffiyeh, or trade his sandals for NIKE water-shoes if presented with a similar opportunity.
But just imagine if Bush, say, for the sake of argument, pierced his right nostril with, say, "the teensiest, tiniest titanium stud," traded his Tecate Cola for mock-Mojitos; switched staid CEO suits with black T-shirts and stiff-starched black jeans and armadillo-skin cowboy boots; replaced his kneehole desk by a Saguaro cactus studded with post-it notes; began driving around in a Darth Vader-model black Humvee; listened to the Dixie Chicks again, not only in secret – and that's just for starters.
Thusly equipped, maybe he and Bill Clinton could go on the next really big reality TV show – "POTUS Trading Spaces."
