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OH PLEASE, say it isn't so!
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| CRAWFORD, TX (IWR News Satire) - President Bush today continued his attack on The Enlightenment by endorsing legalized witch burning.
"I have always been a strong proponent of States Rights. In fact, I'm still sorry we lost the Civil War. But heck, if the people want to burn witches, I say 'Go for it!'. After we have watered down science in the classroom by introducing prayers and teaching Intelligent Design, it will be a lot easier for folks to identify scapegoats without the overhead of scientific thinking. If I had to use scientific methods for example, I never would have been able to justify the war in Iraq! Just think how much better the world would be, if we could just burn suspicious minorities, homosexuals, trial lawyers, university professors, uppity women and liberals at the stake without having the burden of producing any scientific evidence. People shouldn't worry about all this scientific mumbo-jumbo anyway. If you listened to those idiot scientists, you'd think that the polar ice caps were melting and that the world revolves around the sun! Now if you will excuse, Pickles and I going to spend the rest of our vacation trying to determine how many angels can dance on the head of a pin," said Mr. Bush. |
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Yeah, we know it'z a parody, so don't loosen any heads and push ‘em onto spikes, thanx.
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You get the gallows, the burn stake, the guillotine, the rack, the pinion, the four horses to the winds, the big giant Caligula beheading machine, the twisty-tie and the big flask of wine & the dagger to drain the belly, the executioners’ ax, the katana, the cool-aid, the oubliette, the canon, the gaseous antechamber, the flippant human bomb, the naughty bombers, the poison lipped beauties, the vitriol in rhetoric, the mass graves & the electric chair…
& I’ll whip-up a big ol’ batch of popcorn. :o)o: yeaaaahhhhhhhhh….
