The Waiter (David Baerwald and Bill Bottrell)

Good evening sir and madam, I’d like to introduce myself
I’ll be your waiter and your friend for the evening
My only purpose is to serve, and if I might observe
Madam is looking quite spectacular this evening
And if I might suggest, the trout is very, very fresh
And the chef has taken pains with the sauces
And the pastries are divine, and we have a special wine
Brought directly back from Paris by our bosses
Am I alone in this? Am I alone?
Am I alone in this? Am I alone?
I am your waiter, and I am ordinary
And the wildest in the world
I am your waiter, and I am ordinary
And wildest in the world
And I hope you enjoy your evening . . .
The specials tonight are the fresh fish and the radish
Directly from the farm and the harbor
Though I must recommend the Oysters Hollandaise
I’m told it increases your ardor
The coffee tonight is the Brazilian Espresso
The liqueur the Tia Maria
I’m in a spin, I’m swept, I’m asexual, sundered
Split apart in sweeping fields of color
Whole and waiting . . . waiting and whole
The walls of the walls, they flicker and fade
Soft and hard in a swift parade, in shining rooms sublimely made
I am a waiter, a shadow flickers, a face sweeps by
Transparent in the shining window
I’m recognized by a stranger, I’m someone that they knew
They know someone that I was, I must be that someone, but I’m not
The evidence denied, that someone is not I
I am a waiter . . .
The boxer trains, the baby cries, the waiter waits
All boxers train, all babies cry, all waiters wait
In towers and in gutters, and in soft sweet rooms
Eating takeout or escargot or drinking coffee from a paper cup
Or Chateau Rothschild from a crystal goblet
Am I alone in this? Am I alone?

© 1992 Zen of Iniquity Music and Ignorant Music (ASCAP)