Canadian, eh?
Reg
location: back to the wilderness
listening to: static
registered: 1999.11.22
posts: 6470
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Well, as a new Canadian (the ink on my citizenship documents is not even dry yet!) I don't yet have the authority to indoctrinate defectors such as yourself and Mrs. Messybear. I can give you some tips...1. Know what "poutine" is and claim that you can't get enough of it even if you can't stand it. 2. Make sure the whole family is well versed in the story of Pierre Lapin inventing hockey in Canada and claim that the first place you want to go once you are Canadian is the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. 3. You have to be able to sing "O Canada" in English and French. Seriously, don't mess this one up. It helps if after you sing it you make a few comments about how great a tunesmith Calixa Lavallee was...really, if you do this they might overlook you blowing a word in French...but not if you are in Quebec City or Montreal, if you screw up the French there you will be deported.4. Always insist on real maple syrup and it does not hurt to carry your own bottle of it and use it like you would ketchup in the states. Be aware that to test you they will slip you the fake corn syrup stuff. Sometimes it will be setting a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's on the table, other times they will put the fake stuff in an unmarked container to fool you into thinking it's the real thing. YOU MUST BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH REAL FROM FAKE! Remember to throw a fit when they give you the fake stuff, if you can do this in French even better! Act outraged and quite angry and say you will never dine there again. They have been using this trick for years to catch fake wannabe Canadians. 5. Memorize some Tommy Douglas quotes and be able to discuss him at length. Say stuff like "If only Tommy Douglas ruled the world we'd all be better off." and try to look a bit wistful when you do this. 6. You also need to know at least a bit about Pierre Trudeau but you can be openly for or against him. Basically if you just make a strong statement or two one way or the other they will leave you alone about Trudeau because Canadians are too polite to press you if they think something may upset you. Just don't try to be mild when you speak about him, they will see that as an opening to question you further and it will raise suspicion. 7. Start watching Corner Gas, Trailer Park Boys, and The Newsroom on dvd. These are all Canadian tv shows. Knowing a bit about them will help you make small talk and make you seem more authentic. 8. Get some Maple Leafs, Canadians, and CFL gear for the whole family to wear.
9. You need to know a lot more about Canadian music than just Neil Young. Remember he moved to California. You have to be able to weep when you hear a Gordon Lightfoot song and sing-a-long to lots of Bruce Cockburn songs. 10. Probably best if you say your DB board handle is a tribute to Big Bear the great Canadian Cree leader.
–--
'The only way to avoid getting crushed by absurdity, is to humbly include the absurd in our calculations.'
'The only way to avoid getting crushed by absurdity, is to humbly include the absurd in our calculations.'
Reg
(view)
Well, as a new Canadian (the ink on my citizenship documents is not even dry yet!) I don't yet have the authority to indoctrinate defectors such as yourself and Mrs. Messybear. I can give you some tips...1. Know what "poutine" is and claim that you can't get enough of it even if you can't stand it. 2. Make sure the whole family is well versed in the story of Pierre Lapin inventing hockey in Canada and claim that the first place you want to go once you are Canadian is the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. 3. You have to be able to sing "O Canada" in English and French. Seriously, don't mess this one up. It helps if after you sing it you make a few comments about how great a tunesmith Calixa Lavallee was...really, if you do this they might overlook you blowing a word in French...but not if you are in Quebec City or Montreal, if you screw up the French there you will be deported.4. Always insist on real maple syrup and it does not hurt to carry your own bottle of it and use it like you would ketchup in the states. Be aware that to test you they will slip you the fake corn syrup stuff. Sometimes it will be setting a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's on the table, other times they will put the fake stuff in an unmarked container to fool you into thinking it's the real thing. YOU MUST BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH REAL FROM FAKE! Remember to throw a fit when they give you the fake stuff, if you can do this in French even better! Act outraged and quite angry and say you will never dine there again. They have been using this trick for years to catch fake wannabe Canadians. 5. Memorize some Tommy Douglas quotes and be able to discuss him at length. Say stuff like "If only Tommy Douglas ruled the world we'd all be better off." and try to look a bit wistful when you do this. 6. You also need to know at least a bit about Pierre Trudeau but you can be openly for or against him. Basically if you just make a strong statement or two one way or the other they will leave you alone about Trudeau because Canadians are too polite to press you if they think something may upset you. Just don't try to be mild when you speak about him, they will see that as an opening to question you further and it will raise suspicion. 7. Start watching Corner Gas, Trailer Park Boys, and The Newsroom on dvd. These are all Canadian tv shows. Knowing a bit about them will help you make small talk and make you seem more authentic. 8. Get some Maple Leafs, Canadians, and CFL gear for the whole family to wear.
9. You need to know a lot more about Canadian music than just Neil Young. Remember he moved to California. You have to be able to weep when you hear a Gordon Lightfoot song and sing-a-long to lots of Bruce Cockburn songs. 10. Probably best if you say your DB board handle is a tribute to Big Bear the great Canadian Cree leader.
–--
'The only way to avoid getting crushed by absurdity, is to humbly include the absurd in our calculations.'
'The only way to avoid getting crushed by absurdity, is to humbly include the absurd in our calculations.'
