Icon Re: GOP ticket 2016
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Reg (view)

I have a plan and I've been pitching it to the GOP for some time...

BRING BACK DICK IN TWO OH ONE SIX!

Some people are already all in...take the guy that started this:

http://nixon2016.tumblr.com/

Now the Nixon 2016ers all acknowledge he's dead but there are ways around that.

I've had talks with Disney about making an an animatronic Nixon that can hit the campaign trail. Even a Nixon made of wood and latex would be less wooden than Mitt Romney or the rest of the "lightweights" (as Nixon might say) on the Republican side. Plus there is some precedence in the area of using a "robotic" politician to fill a high ranking position in that Dick Cheney was animatronic.

Now the early version needed some work:

But Disney assures me they have made much improvement in the area and Version 3.0 (we won't discuss what happened with version two) will thrill the kids and old timers alike:

There is also a project underway to clone the late Tricky Dick and I can report at this time the program has been a great success...

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Detroit (API) Researchers at the University of Michigan Ann Arbor announced today that they will go ahead with the next phase of their controversial human cloning program and hope to have viable clones within the next few years. If that prospect alone weren't enough to raise a few eyebrows, their first DNA donor is generating a firestorm:

The late president Richard M. Nixon.

"We wanted to clone a famous person, someone people are already familiar with," said program director Archibald Leeves, who has headed the program for over a decade. "We thought it would be unfair to clone someone anonymous, because that person would become a circus freak. But love him or hate him, everyone already knows Nixon. And he's not a circus freak."

Leeves and his team have obtained three viable DNA samples from Nixon at different stages in his life: one from around the time of the Alger Hiss case, one from the "Checkers" era when Nixon was running for Vice President in 1952, and one from while Nixon was president, from around the time Nixon uttered the now infamous line "I am not a crook" in the midst of the Watergate scandal. (A fourth DNA sample from the time Nixon said "You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore" after losing the 1962 California governor's race was not usable by researchers.) Leeves says each DNA sample will be used in seperate cloning embryos, and potentially each Nixon clone may be viable. That's right: not only will there be a "new Nixon," but there may be three of them!

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So, the idea of bringing back Dick Nixon is no joke and is perhaps the...dare I say...final solution for the Republican party.

–--
'The only way to avoid getting crushed by absurdity, is to humbly include the absurd in our calculations.'
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