[... I was asleep in my hotel room when my cell phone rang in the middle of the night. Phone calls in the dead of night are never a good thing and this was no different. The voice on the other end of the phone was the definition of devastated. Tears, moans, guttural gasps of pain and all too violent anguish came in waves from the other end of the call. It was one of my friends that had left his family and now after some kind of heartbreaking conversation with his wife he had decided to off himself...and I was the last call, the living note to bear witness to this act. I don't think the word panic comes anywhere near describing the place I went during these insane moments on the phone. The level of helplessness you feel when someone close to you tells you they will be dead before morning and you are nowhere near close enough to get there and you know the depression they are dealing with is as deep and wide as the Atlantic...well, it is like somebody sliced you open and your guts are lying there on the floor in front of you. Somehow for some reason I began screaming into the phone immediately waking and scaring the hell out of my wife. Hearing the sheer panic and desperation in my voice and what I was saying she began weeping and tried to grab hold of me as I was now pacing the hotel room like a manic cheetah on speed. Somewhere among all the bullshit I was yelling into the phone and pleading to think about his 9 year old daughter who adores him and what that would do to her I screamed "You stupid son of a bitch, there is no reason for you to kill yourself at this point because after this call I am going to kill you!" and there was a pause where I was not sure if what I heard was more weeping or a death rattle...then it became clearer and I realized it was laughter albeit weak and a little choked and he said "You would do that for me wouldn't you?" I yelled totally serious and not joking at all "You can count on it and I won't do it the easy way! So get a good nights sleep because I'm coming for you tomorrow!" "You're a good friend." he slurred into the phone and then laughed a little more. "I'll sleep so you can kill me tomorrow." ...]

Aw, jeez Digs! I wish you'd have given me the same chance (sigh).

You did real REAL good, Reg. Outstanding. Here's hoping the recovery process continues towards those more elusive (in THIS 21st Century) higher vibrating energies, and without too much of a burden on the best interests of your own ongoing collaboration in the arts and sciences of love.

Thanks for sharing the story. The alternative, not having even-a-chance to field that call because the call never came, never quite ever falls into that bottomless pit where childhood traumas, awkward social moments, and random unexpected and unexplained poor sexual outings go to seem gone but probably fuck with you on a subconscious level from time to time. Nope, it just skims along on that undeterred pond of consciousness...taking little nips outta ya flesh every now and then as age and other such mortal consequences set in.

Just one in several billion opinions, Reg, but there's not much point at all in apologizing for honest written-word...straight from the gut. You've been doing it long enough, certainly, to do it well. Little doubt your conscience is in tact, and political correctness has gotten us nowhere as a species, it seems, but into a hotter pot. That slow-heated pot where even among the most sentient of frogs faces nights alone with thoughts she or he will barely survive, life intact, to open eyes and take a breathe and manage another sunrise on an industrially toxic horizon.

Robin Williams. Wow. He was Hagakure, he was Sun Tzu, of Heart and Humor.