Given that we've moved in with you, Dan, I gotta tell you, you need to tidy up a bit more. And don't blame this on that cute little guy of yours, it's obviously your stuff strewn about. You gotta ditch that ripped Night Ranger concert tee shirt, and those Jack LaLanne exercise videos from the 60s! Can't believe you held on to those song lyrics you crafted in what, 8th grade, when you fancied yourself a sensitive singer-songwriter type? Admit it, it was a ploy to get the attention of all of those girls with braces! Others will no doubt chime in with similar criticism. No doubt you'll soon rethink your in-house decision and thus contract out the host computer to a remote hamlet in Albania!

Is that a lava lamp next to the treadmill that pretty much only serves as a place to hang up your clothing? And I think I see a Cowsills album on the end table, nope, Marie Osmond!!

Felix Unger