So, I know I am a liberal and so I am supposed to hate Christmas and want to ban everything about it, including just saying "Merry Christmas!", but the truth is I don't and have never met a liberal looking to ban Christmas nor holiday greetings. 

Anyway, I moved to a new house last year and my wife wants to decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving because we have people coming from all over for Thanksgiving here. I was going through our Christmas decorations and getting some of them up when I needed to run to the store for some supplies. I get in my truck and drive down to turn onto Main street and I was already aware that there is a guy down at the end of my street that has signs all over his yard expressing his hatred of liberals, Democrats, a variety of bizarre conspiracy theories, and of course a bunch of Trump signs. I wondered if he would do something like outline all of his insane signage with Christmas lights...you know, to add a bit of festive to the wacky. He has not so far. My favorite thing about this guy's yard and the signs is that right in the midst of all the MAGA, TRUMP, Q insanity is a little sign that says "FRESH EGGS, STOP IN FOR SOME!" 

I wondered if people do stop in to get fresh eggs from the guy, as I have never been passing when someone was picking up eggs. I saw that sign as an invitation to stop there and chat with him but as I passed on my way to the store, I noticed the egg sign was not there. I was disappointed but still enjoyed a sign saying something negative about "Demoncrats" which I felt truly expressed the holiday spirit in a way Christ would have really applauded. I am kind of hoping he adds a manger scene to his front yard so baby Jesus can nap next to the all caps "Demoncrats" signage. There is just something about that, that would scream Christmas. Sort of like how the movie The Exorcist screams Christmas. 

On this trip I noticed that his next door neighbor had added a sign to their yard as well, a FOR SALE sign. As I passed that house I noticed the house on the other side of the house that is now for sale has a gigantic sign up as well. It is actually a flag that is so big it covers nearly half of the front of the house. 

This sign says, in all caps of course, FUCK BIDEN, in the style of a Trump banner. I was so struck by the size of the sign and the holiday message it displayed I had to actually stop the car and stare for a minute. I thought this might be the most festive holiday sign I had ever seen. It certainly was something that the kids that get on the school bus that stops right in front of this house would enjoy and could be the holiday greeting they shared at school with their fellow students and teachers. 

I mean what better way to give thanks and say "Merry Christmas!" than saying "Fuck Biden!" to everyone you see. I wondered if being sandwiched between the insane guy with all the nutty signs and the guy on the other side with the mammoth "FUCK BIDEN!" flag draped over half his house was the reason the poor bastard in the middle put up his FOR SALE sign. 

I also thought back to selling my old house last year. My realtor called me angry one day and asked me to speak to one of my neighbors across the street because while he was doing a showing of my house this young guy across the street, who thinks his Honda is a race car, was out there revving the engine and the car is loud due to whatever he had done to the muffler. The potential buyers asked my realtor if that went on all the time and seemed quite bothered by it. 

I wondered how the realtor selling the house between the nutty guy with like 40 signs and flags and the guy with the gigantic FUCK BIDEN sign would feel about trying to sell that house. I mean, do you not mention it and let people discover this when they arrive or do you mention it as a feature of the house? Imagine the ad you could run:

Are you a Q conspiracy theorist and person that believes Trump is still the president but feel isolated in liberal Massachusetts? Do you hate Joe Biden with a passion that makes your eyes bulge out of your skull but feel you can't scream profanities in public about him without becoming a pariah in this land of libtards? Well, have we got a house for you!

I think you would have to be upfront that if you buy this house you are going to be right in the middle of two people that have some really funky ideas about Christmas decorating and holiday messaging. 

When I got home, I told Julia that the neighbors at the end of the street had already started their Christmas decorating and she asked what kind of decorations they had put up. I said "A beautiful and absolutely mammoth FUCK BIDEN flag. It is the most festive holiday sign I have ever seen!" 

She asked "Is this the guy with all the crazy signs?" and I said "No, it is the house right at the end of the street where the school bus stops." 

She asked "Are you kidding me?" and I said "Nope, FUCK BIDEN! in letters like four feet high."

"Don't you think there would be a town ordinance against something like that?" she asked. 

"Absolutely not." I said "America, free speech, and just the general desire to wish all that pass their house the happiest of holidays would mean there would be nothing on the books preventing that. We should applaud them for promoting their desire to have sex with Joe and to spread love and understanding to all that pass their home.  Maybe we should invite them and the guy with the eggs and Q signs over for cocktails. I'm sure they would be a fun group!" 

"No." she said. 

"Can I put up a sign that says FUCK something for the holidays?" I asked. 

"No."

So, I went back to the Christmas lights and hoped at some point when I drove by the house with the giant FUCK BIDEN sign, I would catch those people outside and just yell to them in the spirit of the holidays "Hey, fuck you too!" as I am sure they would understand that was just my way of saying "Merry Christmas!"