Friends in Christ, Do You Have Demons in Your Colon? Pastor Deacon Fred Preaching

Folks, here at Landover Baptist Church, we don't care about secular opinions, we don't care about polls, we don't care what's in the newspaper and we sure as hell don't give a damn what some fancy atheistic scientist says. All we care about is what God says. If them scientists would have been paying attention to the Bible, they would have found out a long time ago what Christians already knew for the last 2,000 years. What's that? Why, it's the fact that Hell is bubbling and brewing right under our feet. Hell is in the center of the earth. If you don't believe it, then read your Bible! God tells us in Revelation, chapter 14, that he is going to torment people with fire and brimstone. Friends? Do you know what brimstone is? It's sulfur, that's what it is. Do you know where sulfur is? It's in the center of the earth, that's where it is. And it is Satan’s little calling card. When you smell sulfur, you know Satan has been around. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had saved men come up to me who work on them oil drilling platforms in that Gulf of Mexicans and tell me the same story. They say that sometimes they drill too far and suddenly the whole platform fills with the smell of sulfur coming up the pipeline straight from Hell. Sometimes, they can actually hear the sounds of demons in Hell screaming for mercy coming up the pipe. It is a fact the media don’t want you to know, but the folks at Exxon Mobile have had to start playing loud rap music on their platforms just to drown out the sounds of demons scampering up the pipeline to escape their never-ending torture. Sometimes, they don’t close the hole quick enough and millions of demons escape. Fortunately for us, most of these demons that escape find themselves in the water (and drown because the New Testament teaches that demons, like black people, can’t swim) or they turn up in some godforsaken Arab country where everyone is damned anyway so they can’t do much harm. p>But when you smell sulfur, you know the Devil is around. Friends, have you ever sat yourself down on the toilet to do nature’s necessity and been overwhelmed by the smell of rotten eggs? It is sulfur. A clear sign that demons are living in your bottom. You need to get yourself down to a Bible-believing church, pronto, and get yourself a Jesus enema!But when you smell sulfur, you know the Devil is around. Friends, have you ever sat yourself down on the toilet to do nature’s necessity and been overwhelmed by the smell of rotten eggs? It is sulfur. A clear sign that demons are living in your bottom. You need to get yourself down to a Bible-believing church, pronto, and get yourself a Jesus enema!But when you smell sulfur, you know the Devil is around. Friends, have you ever sat yourself down on the toilet to do nature’s necessity and been overwhelmed by the smell of rotten eggs? It is sulfur. A clear sign that demons are living in your bottom. You need to get yourself down to a Bible-believing church, pronto, and get yourself a Jesus enema!

The scientists just found that out a few years ago. God's people knew it all along. If those idiots would stop letting the Devil do all the thinking for them and turn to God's word, they'd find what they're looking for. Salvation. Freedom from Satan's distractions. Distractions like books, universities, science, biology, astronomy... Why, did you know that there are some scientists out there who are ignorant enough to believe that there is life on other planets? They even think that the stars in the sky are little suns, with planets revolving around them. Well, they got it half right. The Bible tells us that they are sons, not suns. They are the sons of Abraham. Every Bible believing Christian knows this is true. Their heavenly garments light up the night sky as proof that God's home is above our heads.

So, we know that Hell is a real place, with a real location. There is even more evidence of this (cause that's what the scientists are asking us for) when we see volcanic eruptions. They spit out tons of sulfuric gas into the air. Betty Bowers will tell you that global warming is a direct result of overpopulation in Hell. I will agree with her on this, but I would like to take it a step further. When you see that volcano erupt over there in Japan, you are seeing the growing pains of Hell. God is still working on Hell, folks. Frankly, He never guessed there would be so many Asians, and since every one of those sneaky folks is sent to Hell (do NOT pass Go), the place is more packed than one of them rafts from Cuba. In fact, Hell has gotten so crowded, it has started to annex parts of the surface of the Earth. So far, all Satan has laid claim to is Africa (and no one even noticed! [laugh], but he will eventually start taking over places that matter. God made the earth in 6 days, but he is still carving out a place in the core of the planet earth where he will torture people forever in a literal lake of fire! don't know what else it's gonna take for folks to be convinced. Frankly, the thought is so frightening that I can't see why people are not running to their local churches and begging to get saved, and become tithing members.

240,000 people go to Hell every day. That's 158 people a minute. You can line up all the people who went to Hell in the last 10 years and have them all hold hands – if they hadn’t been chewed off by demons. The line would circle the planet eight times. That's why it keeps getting bigger. Jesus tells us that that "broad is the way to destruction, but narrow is the path to salvation."

The reason we talk about Hell so much in this church is because God talked about it. Did you know that for every time Heaven is mentioned in the Bible, Hell is mentioned 10 times? I wish I could tell you how many people go to Heaven each day. It's hard to say. I can tell you that one went last week, when we lost a dear member of this church. Rev. Charles Wilson lived all 87 years of his life on this church campus. He was born here, and he died here. Praise God! He was called to serve in one place, and he never faltered from that calling. He never set foot off of this campus until the day he died. The only other place that Rev. Charles Wilson ever visited is Heaven. And that is a Godly testament to this fine church. He went from Landover to Glory. In fact, I don’t even know if that counts as a change. End of story.

As Christians, we can sit back and laugh at science. Sometimes, we cry tears of joy as well. Every time some fancy academic comes up with something he thinks is new, we can turn to our Bibles and see that there is nothing new. God told King Solomon that "there is nothing new under the sun." The Bible is the only book anyone needs to read. The Devil don't want you to know that, though. That's why he writes books of his own. He wrote the best selling Harry Potter series just to distract children from reading the Bible. We see where that went. Little boys wanting to be fairies, kids killing their parents (and other unsaved kids in public schools)." Most of this can be traced back to the fact that children can't read the Bible in school. They can read the smutty works of that panty-hose-wearing William Shakespeare, and the unintelligible drunken ramblings of Muriel Hemingway, but they can't read the Bible. Children are even being forced to read books written by angry colored folks like Maya Angeloony who write under the influence of demonic voodoo gods. Why, our little children in public schools are even told to read books written by homosexuals and harlots with pen-names that celebrate smutty incest like Dickinson. It all comes as no surprise, though. This is a Devil-run world, and Christians have always been the minority. Satan would kill us all if he could, but he wants to make God even more mad by trying to convert us back into being unsaved. Ah yes, we know his battle plan. This church is not going to be suckered by Hell's minions. As long as I live and breathe, I won't let it happen.