I can think of a lot of ways that Duct Tape can help stop terrorism...but they're all illegal...even in international courts.

I think the terrorists should adopt a new way of getting their point across.  Yeah, it's humiliating to a nation to kill it's people and it's allies...but counting coup is far more disparaging.  No one dies and your attacker gets to live long enough to gloat about it.

So, for example.  Imagine the humiliation of a bunch of Al Qaida folks coming to America and then making creme pies and throwing them in the faces of their "targets."  Especially, if there's another Al Qaida (am I spelling that right?) operative off to the side with a trumpet and a mute making that comedic after-pie-in-face "wah-wah-wah" sound.  Then they run away, shouting anti american slogans, they get to go home to their families, we get to go home to our families and everyone's happy.  And it can work both ways.  We can pie them...even using culturally sensitive ingredients so that way, the whole thing becomes a big, cathartic, glad-I-got-that-off-my-chest-pie-fight rather than the end of the world.  Plus, it helps the dairy, pie crust and aluminum industry.

It used to work with me and my sister when we were little. She'd irritate the hell out of me...or vice versa and we'd be at one another's throats...so my folks got really soft pillows and old pillow cases and we'd all have this big ol' pillow fight.  They even used foam pillows rather than down because I was allergic. 

I think the pie thing can work in LOTS of applications.  Neighborly disputes, riot suppression, gang-turf disputes, debt collection, impeachment, naughty priests, etc.

The reason that I think Pies will work is that there's a brief feeling of "Holy Shit, I'm Dead."  because theres an immediate darkness, a splattering sound that is followed soon after by creamy goodness.  They're so happy that it was just a pie...and that it tastes good, that they will immediately want to be friends with the pie thrower and within a few weeks, Peace On EARTH! 

Plus, it also helps the attacker not be so mad.  Let's look at pies vs. guns in a road rage application.  You get cut off in traffic and:

1.  You get the Python .44 out of your glove box and shoot the offender's brains out of their skull, you get caught because you can't get that big gun back in the window, you go to jail and eat food off of aluminum trays and wear orange EVERY day...even when it's not in style.

2. Write down the license plate number, drive to your local store, go home, make a pie...(by this time, you're cooled off) but since you made the pie, you follow through, go find the offender and pie them...then you get the opportunity to explain your problem...they understand but tell you that their blinker light was out so they pie YOU for pieing them unjustly...and then...since you both are covered in pie...you laugh and the whole conflict is diffused.

WMD's:  Weapons of Mass Dessertification:  Really big pies could be flown over communities and dropped to give the comedic retribution to terrorist training camps, hoards or rioters, snotty Asian Leaders demanding treaties of non-aggression   (or we'll nuke you!) Drop a Huge French Silk Pie on the Presidential Palace and after they get the windows hosed off and they eat their fill, they won't have enough energy to bomb us back.

Pies, not Bombs!

I think, in my former life, I suggested this on this board, but since the terror alert is up, I figure we should consider all of our options. 

Now...which country will be brave enough to take the first step? 

P(ies)R(eally)H(elp)