Wonkette's Tips to Make John Roberts's Confirmation More Interesting

• Figure out which senators aren't wearing make-up. • Go through box of crayons trying to approximate the exact shade of Roberts dreamy blue eyes. • Turn off sound, do voice over giving senators funny voices or accents. • Turn off sound, start "Dark Side of the Moon." Freaky, huh? • Miniputt! • Put ten glasses of water on your coffee table, one containing poison: close your eyes and re-arrange them. Every time Specter says, "let him finish," drink one. • Translate the hearings for your cat ("And then the senator asked 'meow meow meeeow meow meoooow.'"). • Count your yawns per hour; now, can you double that the next hour? • Assfuck -- while you still can. • Prank call the committee members' offices, asking "Is your democracy running?" • Watch them with a gerbil in your trousers.