Gene

: An original thought huh? Are there any more of those left Gene?

who cares my overgrown south american rodent friend (i.e. capybara)

I saw 'the pen is mightier than the sword' rephrased as 'the penis: mightier than the sword' probably not original but original is a bit
unoriginal so have a few qoutes back

I don't know if God exists, but it would better for His reputation if He didn't."
   -- Jules Renard

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no Feminist around to hear him, is he still wrong?

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
"Probably the same kind of people that would name a rotweiler Jesus," the bird answered.

Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what's for lunch.
   -- Orson Welles

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, not that."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda. As soon as she had left the boy repeated his question.
"That's the elephant's trunk, son."
"Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No. Down there." The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!"
She walked on and another duck with shit all over it crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" She whined. "What have you all been doing?" And for the third time she played Florence Nightingale and tended the duck.
She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" sounded a male voice in distress.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Do you have a Kleenex?"
"No, not anymore," she answered.
"Too bad. I guess I'll just have to find another duck."