Hhhmmmmmm...I think I am gonna have to dress you up in a skirt and Hobbit heels and flog your hairy little ass.

Eddie Van Halen? I don't know...but he would not even make it into the first 20 guitar players that came to my mind.

I thought you loved the blues there, shorty? I thought you dug what can be achieved through the proper handling of a guitar...the magic...or as Page might write it Magick...the spell you can cast...the ability to delight and charm the fairer sex...to make them later perform rapturous and unspeakable acts of ecstasy upon your being.

And you come up with Van Halen of all people. Oooooooo...that finger tapping nonsense makes you foam at the mouth, huh?

To me the guitar is all about tone and feeling. You can wring a hell of a lot of emotion out of the thing and quite frankly, Eddie's playing seems pretty vacant to me. All flash, smoke, mirrors...no guts, no nuts, and most importantly, no soul.

What was that thing Pat likes to tell Big Al...crawl back in your hole or something like that...well, on guitar players you may have to do just that...

What do you suppose Buddha would think of Edward's playing...would he be more likely to jiggle and shake with joy to that...or say...T-Bone Walker, Earl Hooker, B.B. King, Elmore James, Hubert Sumlin, Otis Rush, Freddie King, John Lee Hooker, Muddy Waters, Albert Collins, Son House, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Charlie Patton, Robert Johnson...or even Stevie Ray Vaughn, Steve Cropper, Peter Green, or Buddy Guy...or the loads of other players I have not even mentioned.

Van Halen?!?

Is that your idea of humor over there in the Shire?